some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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