We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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