I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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