Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize