OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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