He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
