You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dick very happy bro
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