just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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