and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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