Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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