Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dicks are not precious.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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