You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
