EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
