So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it because I queefed?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
