I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
