You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
