what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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