Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
