my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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