Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You made out with two different species that night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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