Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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