Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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