I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
