new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
