I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
