I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize