i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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