Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think my vagina is haunted
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
