So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
