We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
