I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
