i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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