im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
