He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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