I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
