The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
