I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
