Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
