hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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