i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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