Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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