shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
There's always time for handjobs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
