I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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