She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
