I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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