the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
