Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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