I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize