I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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