just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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