I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize