I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
