i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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