Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
