My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
