and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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