Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
