lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize