This girl is more easily done than said...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
