note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
