Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
