I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize