I met the friendliest cop last night
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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