Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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