better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
