you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize