Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
