Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
