I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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