Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
