Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
