well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
