Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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