would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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