cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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