shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
