I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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