Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
