areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize