You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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