I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
