North Korea, Best Korea!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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