what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you never un-have a 4some
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
