Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
