The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
