Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize