it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
