Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
