I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
