I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
