he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
