i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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