We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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