I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize