What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
