i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
