Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
