i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
